Hi! This is the first edition of my column Think Twice. I will be here every other Wednesday talking about absurd little moments in life that make me think twice about everything. 

Valentine’s Day is coming up and this year it falls on a Monday. Which is the pinnacle of irony because what is supposed to be the happiest day of the year falls on the most depressing day of the week.

So really it’s just a normal day. But that’s not true because for a lot of people it becomes an obsessive and consuming day that in reality drains out every little bit of pure and unscripted love. 

How come it’s the only day in the whole year dedicated to expressing your deepest desires? Even worse. How come it’s the day that most people lie and cheat their way through? 

I have a theory. 

I think Valentine’s Day is a business ploy made to capitalize on the fact that no one likes to be honest. If you think about it, everyone says the same exact thing on Valentine’s Day. “I love you.” Except really in their heads they might be saying, “I love you…?” 

The fact is, that the population who celebrates Valentine’s Day can be divided into three different categories. There are those, who are by far the most cowardly, who pour every desire into a heart-shaped letter just to sign it “Your Valentine.” Then there are those who convince themselves that they truly love their partner and proceed to spit a very well-practiced declaration of love to end an exaggerated and awkward dinner. And finally, there are those who are personally my favorite, who break up with their partner suspiciously close to Valentine’s Day either because they can’t take the pressure or simply because they refuse to waste their money on a gift. 

Take the first category for example. The whole day is based on the idea of declaring your love in secret. It provides us with the perfect opportunity to stay hidden in the dark, but still feel a sense of satisfaction because we consider ourselves brave enough to confess our passionate love in a letter signed anonymously. Except now it’s not a confession anymore. It’s just a red sparkly letter, most of the time shaped like a heart, that will probably end up in the trash. I mean realistically, what do you do with a letter that has no visible owner. Obviously, the person who wrote it won’t come forward about it, because they would rather stay in the dark. So really, what’s the point?

I’ll tell you: to make money. 

Let’s look at the second category. This one pushes my buttons. These are the people who convince themselves only for this day that they are madly in love. There really is no other explanation to this than the fact that most people would rather lie and cheat their way through love just so they can ignore the doubts for one day with the added bonus that they don’t have to be honest. No one expresses their love on Valentine’s Day, because the fact that we plan to be “honest” with our feelings on that specific day, just completely fails to acknowledge the appeal behind a declaration of love: that it’s raw and unexpected. They spit out a carefully thought-of thoroughly planned declaration of love, more to convince themselves than their partner, and after a few days, when they’ve regained their common sense, they are struck with the doubts and regrets that they already had. So really, what’s the point? 

I’ll tell you again: to make money.

Lastly, there’s the final category. I consider these to be the smarter individuals, although, in reality, they’re just as cowardly as the rest. They will go to all costs to avoid what they will claim as the pressure of Valentine’s Day when really it’s the fact that they would rather be single than honest. So again, what’s the point?

I’ll tell you one last time: to make money. 

Now the recently dumped will be spending an enormous amount of money on chocolate chip ice cream and eating it in the depths of their loneliness while watching Dirty Dancing because they have nothing better to do on Valentine’s Day. 

So in reality, Valentine’s Day is just another manipulative game to make money. 

But that’s just my theory.