I am confusion (thanks Starbucks)

Kendall Peterson, Staff Writer

By Kendall Peterson

On the morning of Aug. 27, 2019, I wake up and smell the crispness of fall…oh wait, that’s the smell of a pumpkin spice latte, or as I refer to it, the PSL. First, a sense of confusion. Is it fall or not? I don’t see the dying trees or people wearing oversized sweaters. Yet, there is the signature drink of fall on signs everywhere.

As if starting school isn’t bad enough, I now have to deal with the confusion fall brings every year, like whether to wear sweaters or short sleeve shirts, and why pumpkin spice lattes are so popular even though they don’t taste that good. They are the epitome of fall weather beverages!!

My schema can’t even handle it. I know that it isn’t really fall yet because it’s literally almost 75-80 degrees most days, yet I’m driving around with a pumpkin spice latte and a burning desire to wear oversized sweaters and boots. 

Conspiracy theory: is Starbucks trying to control when fall starts and stops? Just think about it for a minute. They know it isn’t fall, yet they let the fall signature coffee drink come out. It’s definitely sketch and something someone should investigate (I volunteer as tribute).

I just need time and Starbucks to coordinate themselves so that the general populace doesn’t have to face this debacle every year. I mean, come on, let’s pull it together.

Pumpkin spice lattes should only be publicly released when the leaves are turning and everyone is dressed appropriately for the season. It is the only sensible thing to do. I have no idea what Starbucks is thinking (no offense, I love your coffee).

I think the only options are: Starbucks makes a better pumpkin spice latte so that no one really cares when it comes out, they push the release date back so that they don’t look stupid, or they change when fall starts. 

Maybe, Starbucks is even trying to brainwash and make us believe that they control when the seasons shift. I say we just shut down Starbucks as a whole because they are causing too many problems. Problem fixed. 

I just hope that Starbucks gets their act together. They’re really letting people down, especially me. I just can’t anymore.

On another note, maybe it’s our fault? I mean we associate so many things with each other that that’s all we can think about when we sense something. But, it’s definitely not that.

I just think Starbucks is starting up a lot of problems for no reason and it’s honestly hashtag rude. Just please stop.

As a solution, I propose that not a single person buys a pumpkin spice latte until the trees are dying and everyone feels the need to wear fall apparel. That’ll put Starbucks in its place.

I just can’t believe this is happening. It’s screwing up so much for me: time, what to wear, and what to drink because obviously, I refuse to drink a pumpkin spice latte in nothing but fall-related clothing.

I mean, I just need someone to explain to me why Starbucks is letting this abomination happen right under their noses. It is just flat out ridiculous. But if anyone reading this knows the answer, please contact me ASAP. Thank you for listening to my TED talk.