Bachelor for dummies No. 4


By Dylan Stanford and Avery Goodstine

A: OOf! Last week’s episode ended on a pretty bitter note so this should be interesting to say the least.

D: Bro, I know. But honestly I don’t even care as long as Alayah is gone and stays gone. Peter has SO many other girls here that there’s no way that Alayah actually meant that much to him. It had to just be about the fact that he’s worried people aren’t here for the right reasons… So I’m glad that’s over.

A: YES. Peter seems like he is finally over the whole Alayah issue. Good riddance! Now let’s see what goes down in Cleveland. 

D: It seems like the girls are over it too lol. Good. BUT BRO. They are FINALLY leaving the bachelor mansion… But not in the way I expected oop. I thought it was going to be some surprising place like Thailand or Spain. Not Cleveland, Ohio. If I was the girls, I would be a little disappointed.

A: Victoria F got the date card, I gotta say I’m surprised but definitely not mad. I’m happy that Peter is giving her a chance. She is super cute and I feel like she really hasn’t gotten her time in the spotlight yet. Go girl, that’s what I like to see reppin VB!

D: Her face when she found out was so cute… But I can also see the terror on her face LMAO. That girl is totally trying to downplay her nerves right now. But I get it, I was scared of heights too for the longest time. Maybe not to the point where I freak out and thrash around in a car though. A little extra if you ask me.

A: Okay I kinda feel so bad for Victoria because she is scared of heights but I am SO proud of her for overcoming her fear and she is totally having fun at the amusement park!!! Go her, we love character development. 

D: I know! So far, I like the two Victorias because it seems like both were able to overcome some sort of fear to impress Peter… But at the same time, maybe I’m giving them too much credit. They knew what they were getting into on the show, so if they didn’t participate it would just make them seem kinda bad. Ok but, can I talk about the private amusement park?? That would literally be SO COOL. I wouldn’t even need a man to enjoy that. It’s cute though. 

A: OH MY GOD of course the private concert is her EX. 

D: I’m sorry… this is just so funny. I find it hard to believe that the producers didn’t plan this. I’m living for this right now. DUDE JUST IMAGINE WALKING AND SEEING YOUR EX. 

A: Okay, I totally understand why Victoria is feeling so awkward, but, like I really think that if she really wanted to be with Peter she would be able to brush it off. I really hope this does not mess up things for them. 

D: Same. Part of me thinks that maybe there are some old feelings if she is this bothered. If it was me, and I didn’t have feelings anymore, I would just casually tell Peter and then assure him that it doesn’t bother me. But at the same time, I wouldn’t want to rub my new guy in my ex’s face… So yeah, I see why it’s awkward. 

A: Oh no, now they are talking, this can’t be good. 

D: Sorry to kind of ignore the serious part about this, but am I the only one who thought that the editors of the show did a really good job putting the videos together? Because it is so funny to me that they would put the videos of Peter explaining how the concert was so good and amazing right after the videos of Victoria literally crying over the concert. 

A: Side note, I just realized how much Victoria says the word ‘like’ while she speaks, lowkey annoying but I can’t judge because I literally sound like that.

D: Me too. It’s annoying but I can’t judge because that’s literally me. 

A: Dude, what. I don’t understand why this is such a weird situation. Why are they both freaking out so much. Everyone has ex boyfriends, yeah they made out in front of him but oh well,,,just get over it??? Both of them are acting like babies over this I do not understand.

D: Dude. I agree. I see my ex’s every day in the hall… And yeah, maybe I throw up in my mouth a little bit but you don’t see me crying and making a huge scene. That whole thing was a waste of a good 10 minutes. But okay, the group date is coming and now there’s something to distract me from the whole Victoria thing. 

A: Mykenna is getting on my nerves honestly. All she ever does is cry about how she doesn’t get enough with Peter but I feel like she doesn’t make the effort. Lol whatever, we’ll see what happens.

D: DUDE SAME. This happens with so many girls and it was something that really ignored me last season. Especially with that one girl that Demi told off on Colton’s season. It is always the girls that don’t put in the effort who complain and make the most drama out of not getting enough time with him. 

A: Back to the Peter and Victoria drama. What the heck is going on man I AM SO CONFUSED. Why are they so upsetttt man this is some BS. I’m mad because this is SUCH an overreaction.

D: Bro… Is Victoria on her period or something? I feel like this wouldn’t be happening if there weren’t some extra factors at play here. Just saying. 

A: THANK GOD THEY KISSED. Now let’s dive into this group date! 

D: Ew… Football? Really? Did he not learn from Hannah Brown’s season that when the contestants play physical sports like rugby or football, there is always drama???

A: Oh, the group date is football, nice choice Peter. Trying to see how those girls can handle their balls, I see what he’s doing. 

D: LMAOOOO. You really went there. I mean I was thinking it but I wasn’t gonna say it…

A: Oh my god Madison, shut up, who even are you? Why are they all complaining that they get to see Peter?? These girls are all crybabies honestly. 

D: And from Madison of all people? Like girl, c’mon. Stop acting like you don’t know you’re one of the top contenders. He literally brought you to his FAMILY and clearly feels a lot for you. Please stop being dramatic. 

A: All I’m hearing is whine whine whine from these girls. They should use all that time feeling sorry for themselves to go talk to Peter!!

D: I think I’m just going to block it out lol. It’s all stupid. 



A: Are they really calling her phony? Wow, ok thats some real s***.

D: I want to strangle all these girls. STOP COMPLAINING AND GET HIM IF IT’S BOTHERING YOU SO MUCH. It’s literally not that hard. Victoria P had an injury and couldn’t play… Are the girls really that selfish and insensitive?

A: NO WAY. NO FREAKIN’ WAY. Alayha is back, nope, nuuh, I am so done. WTH is going on????

D: I mean we all saw this coming because of the preview, but a part of me was hoping it wasn’t actually going to happen. I extremely dislike her and her fake attitude.

A: Aight, not gonna lie, Alayah has redeemed herself just a bit from coming back to set the record straight. But this whole thing with Victoria P? I need to know what is going on right now. Are they friends or not, did they know each other or not, who is lying to Peter??

D: I don’t really think she has redeemed herself. No matter who is lying, I still think that Alayah acts fake so she still isn’t innocent of that. And I have a hard time believing that if Victoria lied, that the purpose was to be malicious. 

A: Woah, wait a minute. Victoria lied to Peter about them knowing each other? They went to Vegas together and she told Peter that she only met Alayah for three hours. Are you actually kidding me. I am so shocked right now what the heck. 

D: Yeah that is kind of bad… But that doesn’t change the fact that Alayah asked Victoria to keep it a secret that they knew each other. Like did Peter just forget that whole part? 

A: Now they are hugging like besties? Bro WTH man.

D: I thought that they weren’t friends… What? 

A: Victoria is the liar now, woah ok. Really did not expect that plot twist.

D: Is she though? It makes sense what she said about the truth being “her truth” because it was her opinion of Alayah as a person. And like, again, Alayah asked Victoria to keep a secret which seems to be being ignored right now. And it’s annoying me that Alayah is saying things that are clearly insinuating something malicious. Like if she wants to set the record straight, maybe she should listen and not make backhanded comments about how Victoria was betraying her or how being friends with her was “biting her in the a**” because I still don’t think any of it was malicious. Maybe Victoria really didn’t consider Alayah to be an actual friend if on the inside she really thought that Alayah was fake or if they only knew each other because they are friends with the same people.

A: This drama is so exhausting. They need to figure this shit out and get it done with so that they can get on with the freaking show. This is absolutely ridiculous and I feel the other girls’ anger. 

D: Really though. Alayah has just stolen ANOTHER night from the girls. I would be beyond pissed.

A: Alayah is back, great. Not too sure how I feel about that just yet. I’m just sick of people coming back. Is this the season for unfinished business or something? First Hannah now Alayah. Ugh, I’m exhausted trying to keep up with all of Peter’s changes of heart. He really needs to figure himself out before he gets himself involved in everyone else’s. 

D: You know what, you just made me think about something. Peter seems to have a habit of going back to people. So I’m going to make a prediction right now. I think that at the end of the season, Peter isn’t going to be able to let Hannah Brown go and won’t end up with anyone, or he will pull a weird switch and bring back another girl he let go home. And ok, can I just say that maybe Peter needs to sit back and do some reflecting? I realize that he wants to follow his heart, but maybe if EVERYONE is telling him the same thing about Alayah and how she can be two-sided, then he should listen to them. Because at that point I don’t think something is wrong with all of them, but instead something is just wrong with Alayah. 

A: Oh man, all the girls are pissed now. I do not blame them one bit.

D: Dude… He did not just give her the group date rose for the GROUP DATE SHE WASN’T EVEN ON THE DATE. That was so disrespectful… I am so pissed and I’m not even one of the girls. What a freaking wimp, dude. Peter is definitely simping right now and I’m not here for it. 

A: Mmm a pierogi would smack right now, not even gonna front.

D: Bro sameeeee. Those looked so good. 

A: Ok, kinda digging Kelsey and Peter. 

D: Honestly, me too. Maybe I judged Kelsey too quickly during the champagne scandal. She seems really sweet and mature right now, so I hope that doesn’t change because if she has another meltdown then that will prove that she actually isn’t mature and is unstable. And also, I feel bad when Kelsey said she has never had a man treat her this way… Like dang. Some guys really just ain’t it. The standards have been set SO LOW. 

A: All right, I do not think that Alayah should have even been allowed to come back. She was able to go out into the real world and look at all of the stuff going on on the outside looking in. She just brought back all of this horrible stuff with her and she made Victoria F go off, and that is saying something.

D: LITERALLY. Victoria F is so soft spoken and never really stands up for herself. So if SHE is unhappy with Alayah and actually says something about it, then that means that something about Alayah is REALLY messed up. Like dang… I kind of enjoyed seeing that side of Victoria F tonight, because I didn’t know that she could be like that. Go girl. You say what you need to. AND ALAYAH NEEDS TO STOP WITH THE SMIRK. Just accept that you’re nothing but bad news.

A: Wow these girls are really out here telling Peter how they really feel. He needs to hear it though, honestly. He is treating all of these other girls horribly and he is being such a bad batchelor. I am so over him. He needs to sort this out ASAP.

D: You were saying what I was thinking. Peter has been a HORRIBLE bachelor so far… eek. I’m glad that the girls are saying what is on their mind because Peter needs to get set straight. Obviously, he thinks that what he is doing is ok when it isn’t. 

A: Alayha is so fake, as usual. All she wanted was to clear her name on the show and look good in front of the cameras and start more petty drama. She should get kicked off like this is actually so ridiculous. 

D: Did you hear the one girl who tried to stand up for her and say that she was on the show for Peter? Shut up. If Alayah really cared about Peter she wouldn’t have just come and started gossiping. She would have just stayed in her lane and tried not to make any more drama. She just loves the attention, no matter if it’s good or bad.

A: Good, Peter should feel bad. He had the chance to end this and he did and then he brought it back all on his own. This is some messed up stuff and he is the one who needs to sort it all out.

D: And then he has the audacity to say he doesn’t even have time to explore anything with Alayah because stuff keeps coming up? LIKE YEAH. The stuff that’s coming up is her drama and negativity which to anyone else would be a clear sign top stop trying to explore a relationship with her. 

A: Oh my god, there Alayah goes again with those fake tears. If she feels like she can’t be there than she should just leave. She should have said no when Peter asked her to come back. This is the biggest mess in Bachelor history ever and I. Am. Over. It.  

D: Did she really just say she feels like she can’t speak. GIRL YOU JUST SPOKE AND TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT VICTORIA AND CHASE. Like uhhh yes you can speak but every time you do everything you say is manipulative. I’m so done with her and so done with this. And honestly, done with Peter. This season is getting real tiring. 

A: HOLY HECK MAN. That episode was sooo intense and it looks like there is even more to come next week. I don’t think I have ever been so emotionally invested in someone else’s drama. I have no words, wow.

D: Yep, me too… And I can see from the previews that Alayah is there and there is even more drama so… I don’t even know what to say. Guess we have to wait another week.